LIVE BAIT CONCERT

Catholic Church records in Los Angeles show that for decades priests accused of child sex abuse were moved to new assignments or given counselling.

The personnel records of the clergymen accused have just been released as part of settlement talks with lawyers in the case.

They show that for more than 70 years, the Church provided therapy to clergymen accused of abusing children, believing that they could be rehabilitated.

The Church then assigned the priests to new parishes, which often resulted in them re-offending.

One priest, who eventually confessed to having molested as many as 10 victims over 20 years, was only removed from the priesthood after several unsuccessful attempts at therapy.

You (the, people in our society with a sense of outrage) are cordially invited to a week long event, well, as long as you like really, bring your own refreshments. The venue will be St. Peter's Square (that'll be just outside the Pratigan). The date is to be arranged, but as soon as possible would be a bonus.

Those persons of a gay persuasion are particularly welcome, if only to demonstrate, by your actions that to be Gay does not automatically make you a paedophile.

Those members of the clergy who have been exposed (if you'll pardon the expression) during the investigation into child abuse, will be rounded up, like the animals they are.

The National Press and television are to be invited, and the event will be beamed across the world, simultaneously, so no-one will miss the point, and we don't want to disappoint those who can't make it.

I'm thinking of calling this event "Live Bait". Other suggestions are most welcome.

The said priests will be asked to strip naked and will stand in St. Peter's Square, Christ on a bike, I hope there's enough room. The sadistic side of me is toying with the idea of penis rings manufactured in the tasteful style and authentic materials of a crown of thorns. No, I have not even considered donkeys.

The crowd are invited to humiliate them in any way they choose, but violence, sexual or otherwise is NOT permitted - two wrongs don't make a right. (bring your own eggs, tar and feathers).

The Pompous (oops sorry, I meant Pope) and his acolytes will gather in the square at a time to be arranged and publicly grovel and apologise to the world. Allowing use of condoms would be a nice starting gesture.

The untold riches held by this institution will be sequestrated and used to erase poverty and the misery that goes with it in the third world.

Meanwhile back at Live Bait Headquarters, (my kitchen table) an island is to be found far, far away from so called civilisation. Uninhabited of course and of the type on which no-one in their right mind would even consider making a home .

The Beasts (slipped again, Priests) will again be rounded up, after the crowd has got bored and gone home, and shipped off to said island. They will be provided with all the basic things (out of the Pratigan's fat over bloated purse) they need to allow them to build accommodation, rudimentary of course, start off their crops and find fresh water in the deadly snake infested jungle of the interior. The beach will have to be pebbly, none of that nice comfy sand.

There will be a 10 mile exclusion zone around this island, which will be heavily mined.

The twat who thinks this will make a good fly on the wall documentary will be made to go and live with them minus his camcorder. However I'm sure Sue Lawley would love to put him on Desert Island Discs as a farewell gesture, but only if he/she says sorry, unless he's also a paedophile of course, where henceforth all privileges will be removed. No, I said privileges, not privates.

And there we have it. They can fondle each other in Purgatory (sorry, forgot to tell you that's the new name of the Island) for eternity for all I care.

Eat your heart out Bob Geldof.

Kats