Friday, February 03, 2006

VE HAF VAYS OF BREAKING DOWN ZE COMMUNICATION BARRIER

Moving forward………

The European Union(EU) has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f".

This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikat ed changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl rite n styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.

Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

4 Comments:

Blogger reverberation said...

I wasn't aware of this motion being forwarded and I'm glad you've brought this to the forefront. What next a k-nockfurst sandvich?
I'm against this 1 I'm afraid.

11:10 PM  
Blogger Lightning said...

Absolutely brilliant as usual, had a good laugh

7:49 PM  
Blogger colcam said...

Extremely funny. And a nightmare to type out, I should imagine.

7:17 AM  
Blogger Binty McShae said...

Scarily understandable though... makes you realise just how extraneous some aspects of the English language are.

Someone once pointed out that if you took the "f" sound from 'enough' (gh), the "i" sound from 'women' (o), and the "sh" sound from 'motion' (ti) you could spell the word 'fish' as "ghoti"...

10:48 AM  

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