SCOTTISH HOT AIR

TAE A FERT (in an Aberdeen Accent)

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie

Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie

Just as ye sit doon among yer kin

There sterts to stir an enormous wind

The neeps and tatties and mushy peas

Stert workin like a gentle breeze

But soon the puddin wi the sauncie face

Will have ye blawin' ower the place

Nae matter whit the hell ye dae

A'bodys gonnae have tae pay

Even if ye try to stifle

It's like a bullet oot a rifle

Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair

Ta try and stop the leakin air

Shift yersel fae cheek tae cheek

Pray tae god it doesnae reek

But aw yer efforts go assunder

Oot it comes like a clap o thunder

Richochets aroon the room michty me, a sonic boom

God almighty it fairly reeks

Hope I huvnae shat me breeks

Tae the bog I better scurry

Aw whit the hell, its no ma worry

A'body roon aboot me chokin

Wan or two are nearly bokin

I'll feel better for a while

Cannae help but raise a smile

Wis him! I shout with accusing glower

Alas too late, he's just keeled ower

Ye dirty bugger they shout, and stare

I dinnae feel welcome any mair

Whit a fuss at Rabbies Perty

Ower the sake o one wee ferty