Saturday, April 07, 2007

RE-DIRECTION

After all that has happened over the last 2 years, now I think I can go in a sensible direction, from a blogging point of view. Why? Read on.

For the last two years my Mother had suffered from dementia. Tragic, but sometimes amusing but in the main, tragic. I have travelled once, maybe twice a month down to my parents house in Derbyshire (a 1000 mile round trip for me) to support and help my Father. Who incidentally deserves a medal for what he has had to put up with.

When she first lost the plot my Father was in hospital and although her memory was bad enough for her not to be left alone I was called down because she had become violent. Off I went, having just found a new job after 6 months redundancy.

Looking back I think that week was probably one of the worst of my life. I had to have her sectioned and then tell my Father, on his sickbed what I had done. I felt like a criminal and her resounding shout of "You traitorous bitch" rang in my ears for a long time, and still does.

I lost my job because of the situation, and nearly my marriage into the bargain. I spent nearly a month down there wheeling my father from his ward up to the Psychiatric ward every afternoon, until he was allowed home, and of course eventually she was stabilised under a "chemical cosh" and came home too.

In the middle of all this we decided to cut our losses, make some profit and buy the boat.

That is when I started to blog - out of insanity, under the influence of anti-depressants and sheer bloody anger.

So, I lost my mother 2 years ago really. She did not really know who I was again and my every visit subjected me to a tirade of abuse, jealousy if I spoke to my father, and left me feeling hurt, rejected and unbelievably sad.

I'm not really coming to the point here, am I. I'm also not sure I should be writing about this.

My blogging has been sporadic at best, and I've found it quite hard to keep writing, which is something I love to do.

If Channel four wanted to find a bunch of people for a reality show - ie. the token gay, the alchoholic, ex SAS, french people, a judge, an ex pilot, an obsessive compulsive - and I could go on and on with this list they could not do better than a marina of live aboards and part time boaters.

So I am doing away with the other blog - THE OWL AND THE PUSSY CAT - because I never kept it up and it's boring.

I still want to write about the transition we had to this boat and about the people here and have decided to start at the beginning again with a new blog. I have started it as a narrative of letters and e-mails written to my Father and a friend. However, it's done under a new email address, for obvious reasons.

If you want to read it - e-mail on the address given on this blog and I will give you the address if you are not a relative and don't live in this boat yard.

Now I shall worry that no-one will e-mail me.

Kats ( not too sad any more).

10 Comments:

Blogger Les Paul Junior said...

Hi Kats,

Thanks for your kind comment about my stuff on Gavin Corder's Blog.

My mum died in 2002 after several years of dementia. The huge irony was that when she "lost her marbles" she stopped worrying about just about everything for the first time in 60 or 70 years.

It sounds like you've really been throught the mill. I do hope things have turned the corner now.

Feel free to visit my blog, if you like.

7:18 PM  
Blogger Lightning said...

Hi Kats, firstly I am sorry that you have had to go through this with a parent. My father also had dementia and although I never got too much involved with the situation, my 2 brothers who still live in Dundee, took charge of the daily stuff. My mother found it very hard to cope with the situation, but did her best. Mercifully he was moved to a home during the latter stages of his time, and died of a fall (brain damage)in the home. I was and am thankful to my brothers for all the care, they gave him.

I do hope that in time you will get over the situation and back to your own life once more.

7:31 PM  
Blogger Kim Ayres said...

I can't find your email address. Don't know whether it's staring me in the face. Anyway, you can get mine from my profile.

Glad you're blogging again

6:32 PM  
Anonymous sarahsoup said...

I will send you an email...Poor little Kats. I am poor little Sarah who has no daddy or mummy anymore. I feel for you because I know how sad I feel. Just because I am old enough to be a grandmother doesn't mean I don't need a mummy anymore.
I have been looking at blogs because I want to find out about what it is like to live in the Highlands. I think I may want to come and live there.

12:23 PM  
Blogger Kanani said...

Hi, I found you from Kim's blog. Dementia is a horrible, horrible thing to have to be witness to.

But yes, keep writing. Show us photos of your boat. I live so far away, and I love having glimpses into other people's lives. If you need inspiration go to my friend Pat's who lives on a boat in Hawaii and also has a book coming out.

8:07 PM  
Blogger Kanani said...

Pat who lives on a boat in Hawaii

8:09 PM  
Blogger Gavin Corder said...

I'm ashamed I have neglected you!

I'm sorry I'm so late on parade

I'v loved our jokes and your spirit.

Don't stop!

2:11 AM  
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Anonymous Ember999 said...

I just found your blog and would love to be updated but cannot find the email address you say is on your blog? Can you contact me then as there appears to be no email address?

Good luck by the way,

Ember xx

9:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Kats, I was deeply moved when I read your blog, this life is truly painful. I linked to your blog because my Dad (Colcam) was a real fan of yours. I read, and re-read his posts on a weekly basis. He died on the 29th of December last year, he was my best friend and life remains painful. My experience has been so different from yours, really. My dad went to bed feeling unwell before getting up at 3am to be sick. He then has a massive heart attack and died. This leaves me feeling cheated, and so deeply heart wrenchingly sad. And it's strange because I know he would have wanted it to be that way but it doesn't help, he was only 60.
The opposite of my experience is yours, but what you must remember is that your Mum was not in control of herself, she did not mean the things she said because she would not have said them if she was not experiencing the scary and debilitating illness that is dementia. You are her child and her worst fear (if my dad is anything to go by!) is that you would remember her this way! He was terrified that one day he would he would lose his facilties, my hope is that in time you will remember her as she would to be remembered, and it will happen. My Gran experienced dementia, she did not recognise her daughters and grand children before she died, but thankfully the years have erased this experience and I remember her for the woman she really was.
I wish you all the best. You sound genuinely lovely so I hope the earlier "genuine and happy' memories of your Mum prevail. I would be honoured if i could access the diary entries of your experience however I cannot find your email address on the site!! ?? Help! If you would'nt mind ? could you email the address? - My email address is j.campbell@lancaster.ac.uk ...
I look forward to keeping up with your earthy journey. Jen X

6:45 PM  

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