Saturday, March 25, 2006


.................Where I may be - not on a bloody boat yet, that's for sure.

I am in the Midlands, homeless, waiting. Him indoors has been dashing around this fair land in a transit van containing most of our possessions.

Anyway the boat landed in Southampton on Monday, cleared customs and arrived in Scotland yesterday afternoon. She is to be surveyed on Monday, have her flybridge re-fitted and then dropped into the water. Then Bob's yer uncle I should be able to move on to it. However we have sustained some transit damage - nothing to get bothered about except that some thieving b******d has stolen one of the safety rails off one side. Insurance will cover it - I hope.

I am travelling back on Monday with the dog (Kali the Collie) whom I think will breathe a sigh of relief to get out of this noisy asphalt jungle.

Further updates when I get back up the motorway.

Have a good week-end all.

Kats :0)

Saturday, March 04, 2006


These are from test papers and essays submitted to science and health teachers by junior high, high school, and college students around the world. The definition of a Vacuum is very insightful......Enjoy your week-end

When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe you expire.

H20 is hot water, and C02 is cold water.

To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.

When you smell odourless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

Nitrogen is not found in Ireland, because it is not found in a free state.

Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.

Blood flows down one leg, then up the other.

Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.

The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.

Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.

Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.

A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.

Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e i, o and u.

The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.

The alimentary canal is located in the Northern part of Indiana.

The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.

A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.

The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is the more extinct it is.

Many women believe that an alcoholic binge will have no ill effects on the unborn fetus, but that is a large misconception.

Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.

Germinate: To become a naturalised German.

Liter: A nest of young puppies.

Magnet: Something you find crawling all over your dead cat.

Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.

Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.

Vacuum: A large empty space where the Pope lives.

Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.

To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops

For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration.

For fainting: Rub the persons chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.

For dog bite: Put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.

For Asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.

To prevent contraception: wear a condominium.

For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.

To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.

Kats :0)

Friday, March 03, 2006


I have not blogged for what seems like an age.

My house is sold and completion is in two weeks time, cupboards are still groaning under the weight of "stuff".

I feel like I'm living Desert Island Discs and Sue Lawley will appear out of a dark recess and say, "Now that's number 2 of the 10 things you can take, what will be your luxury item?"

"But, But, But" I wail, "It's all a luxury item"

I think my luxury item will be my sanity....please. I certainly won't be picking the bible as most do on that programme, well I might if a box of matches was provided with it and I needed to keep a camp fire going.

Well the two pictures are of the boat we have half bought. She is in the middle of the Atlantic aboard a ship bound for Amsterdam at the moment, having left Jacksonville in Florida last Saturday. She should arrive in Amsterdam on 12th March, heaved onto another ship to land in Southampton any time within 14 days after that. So I think sleeping in the car is a distinct possibility, never mind it was only minus 12 last night. (groan).

Said boat is a Bayliner 3270. 38feet long, 11.6ft wide, twin diesel engines. King sized bed in aft berth, twins in the pointy end, wet room, fully equipped galley, cooker, fridge, microwave and not enough room to swing a cat. A very large saloon surrounded by teak and lots of glass. All the electronic gizmos a man could possibly want. More bang for your bucks and quality that you could ever find in this country, and believe me we have scoured the British isles and anything to come near it would have cost us an extra £15,000 more.

So, after many sleepless nights wondering why we were giving a load of money to a man in Florida we have never met to buy a boat we've only seen in photos the Eurika moment arrived.

We found a nice man up here with the same model boat, bought from the same faceless person in Florida. Hot footed to the marina after having made his acquaintancee on the phone to view the clone of my future home.

Chuffed would be an understatement, relief does not come near.

So, thats the story so far. I promise to blog more often (if you can stand it) I must go I've got possessions to throw away.

Kats 0:)