Tuesday, January 24, 2006


The picture has nothing to do with what I am about to write - it is a symbolic gesture to Gavin Corder for tagging me.

I have become part of a plot to reveal my anonymous self to the blogging community. So, I have been tagged to do a 7 x 7 meme. What is that? Click on Gav's Blog (in the sidebar) and see. So, rather than be seen to be a miserable cow rather than a mad one here goes.

Seven Things to do before I die

1. Give up smoking (putting the cart before the horse now I think)

2. Learn to Dive (No, DIVE, not drive)

3. Persuade the world that religion is the root of all evil (well, one can dream, can't one?)

4. Snorkel in the Indian ocean one last time.

5. Finish my book.

6. Make a living from writing (still dreaming, mmm maybe not).

7. Make sense (read into that what you will, I know what it means)

Seven Things I cannot Do

1. Read a Map (I am woman, I am not genetically programmed for this)

2. Stand outside, point in a direction, say "that's Northwest" and be right. (How do people do that?)

3. Know my left from my right (unless I study my hands first). Many moons ago I used to sell shoes, then I had to wave the shoes about. I have been a source of great amusement over this.

4. Drink vast quantities of alcohol - Not allowed anymore - I have only one kidney.

5. Give in

6. Play the guitar - I did learn the violin and could read music (wonder if I still can? Is it like riding a bike?)

7. Sit on the pillion of a motorbike and lean in the correct direction when hurtling round a corner (It just doesn't feel right to put your face as close to the tarmac as possible whilst moving at great speed).

Seven Things I say

1. And your point is?

2. In yer dreams.

3. I don't bloody well think so (When refusing, not passing an opinion)

4. Chiselling bastards (Usually when referring to banks, and the government)

5. My brain hurts (when I am puzzled or have a headache)

6. Spaghetti Bollock Nakeds (I'm sure you can work that out)

7. Beam me up

Seven books I love

1. Love in the Time of Cholera

2. Captain Corellis Mandolin

3. Lord of the Rings

4. Treasure Island

5. Aeon

6. Darwin's Radio

7. Only Forward

Seven Movies I Love

1. On Golden Pond

2. The Matrix Trilogy

3. One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest

4. Truly, Madly, Deeply

5. Dances with Wolves

6. Lord of the Rings (all of them)

7. Alien (all of them)

Seven things that attract me to

Mind your own business Gavin!

Kats :0)

Friday, January 20, 2006


The following are all replies that women have put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details: Allegedly!

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child "A" was fathered by [name removed]. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child "B", but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party [address and date given] where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country.Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.

8. [name given] is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro Disney maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a programme about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at [address given], mine might have remained unfertilised.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a tin of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart

Kats :0)

Wednesday, January 18, 2006


Monday, January 16, 2006


This is how I feel today. Sold the house, found a boat. Love my new job and can do it whilst sailing, it just doesn't get any better. About bloody time too.

I will now get back to "The Owl and the Pussycat" and start to chronicle this humungous (is that how you spell it?) life change.

By the beginning of March we should be on the water - one snag - the boat is being shipped from Florida, and we don't have the money to pay for it until we hand over the keys to the castle.

I wonder what sleeping in an old Ford Escort is gonna be like with two cats and a collie?

Stand by for further developments.


Sunday, January 08, 2006


Ex Who member Roger Daltrey has said that Gary Glitter should not be condemned for his predilection for little girls, but should be helped.

Glitter, 61, was last week charged with committing obscene acts with two girls aged 10 and 11. Six years ago he was convicted in Britain of possessing child pornography.

I know how I'd like to help him, but I choose to stay within the laws of a decent society, if your rose tinted glasses are firmly on your nose.

But Daltrey, whose bandmate Pete Townshend was arrested for accessing child porn on the internet in 2003, expressed sympathy for Glitter in an interview with Mojo Magazine.

He said: "It's hard, because as much as I abhor it, I can only as a human being think it must be awful for these people to be trapped in that head ...
"I don't know what the answer is. I don't know if the way we treat it in this society is the right way to treat it

"Can you imagine what it might be like? It's not a choice to them

Everyone has a choice Roger, and everyone knows that it is abhorrent and wrong. Therefore even if you want to, you can think about the effect you're having on the rest of a child's life for a few moments of personal perverted pleasure, not to mention those around them who love them and have to live with the horror, and probably a lifetime's guilt.

Let's face it, if we line up many of these animals, such as the Roman Catholic Priests (if we've enough space to put them), they are not unintelligent or on the fringes of society on the surface.
They are weak and selfish. It is about power, as are all acts of rape.

Daltrey was a staunch defender of Townshend when the guitarist was arrested as part of Operation Ore in 2003.

Townshend was cautioned and had his name placed on the sex offenders' register after admitting once using his credit card to access child pornography, but insisted he was only looking at the site while conducting "research" into child sex abuse.
I wonder if Roger would be so charitable if Gary had got his hands on his daughter?
For Christ's sake lock him up and throw away the key

Saturday, January 07, 2006


There is a lovely little feud going on in Italy, which has finally reached the courts.

The court is tackling an accusation of whether it is legal to teach of someone's existence if it can't be proved whether they existed or not on the first place.

The defendant Enrico Righi is a parish priest in the same town as the plaintiff Luigi Casciolli. Both attended the same seminary in their youth but Luigi is now a vocal atheist and has spent years trying to get this er thorny subject to court.

"I started this lawsuit because I wanted to deal the final blow against the Church, the bearer of obscurantism and regression," Cascioli told Reuters.

Cascioli says Righi, and by extension the whole Church, broke two Italian laws. The first is "Abuso di Credulita Popolare" (Abuse of Popular Belief) meant to protect people against being swindled or conned. The second crime, he says, is "Sostituzione di Persona," or impersonation.
"The Church constructed Christ upon the personality of John of Gamala," Cascioli claimed, referring to the 1st century Jew who fought against the Roman army.

Anything or anybody, particularly in a country where that nasty little (well, not so little) city called the Vatican has such sway and power, who has the guts to stand up and call them into question over their questionable reasoning deserves a sainthood in my opinion.

The Pope has declined to comment, the coward. The Judge has stated that Christ's existence must be proved.

I await the outcome with baited breath, and of course just a tiny bit of malicious wishful thinking.



Courtesy of Private Eye

Sunday, January 01, 2006


Hello and Happy New Year to everyone.

I'm so glad that Christmas is over with - not my favourite time of year, but nevertheless hope you all had a joyous time.

For those of you not familiar with quaint Scots customs, new year is a two day affair here and I must say it's like waiting for the world to be resuscitated. I'm not blessed with patience and I need to get a move on.

For those of you who may be interested here is an update. I am smarting over how hypocritical and two faced people can be. Why? Here's why.

A couple from Luton came to view our house. The female of the pair asked to talk money and although I had promised my estate agent (who is also a friend) not to and to let him do it, I broke the rule. I was asked a price, gave the price and then was told a story about how they had missed a house because someone had sold their property for a higher price, privately, although they knew they had put the highest bid in. (In Scotland we state an asking price and invite bids). So Me being me (soft as shite) promised that if they offered and we accepted I would not accept a higher offer.

Lo and behold two days later a written offer came from Mr. and Mrs Luton for the price we wanted. Job done. Oh no. Two weeks go by and true to my word, no other people were allowed to come and view. Then I receive a phone call, via the agent and via their solicitor and Mr. and Mrs. Luton try to get me to knock of £5,000 off the price, to which I reply with steam coming out of my ears, "tell them to get stuffed". A day later another message, if they stick to original offer will I sell to them - my reply - is still get stuffed.

Why do some people demand principles from you when they have none, the chiselling bastards.

So, back to the drawing board, which in it's turn holds everything else up. This life changing stuff is not easy. *sigh*

Now on to the 60 foot converted trawler near Spean Bridge. The answer to that one is Gribbles. Wots a Gribble I hear you land lovers shout. Tis a nasty little worm that gets into the hull of a wooden boat, I reply, and eats it and eventually you sink, or pay endless amounts of money replacing parts of the hull that have been nibbled by a gribble. Said boat on a previous survey had evidence of the dreaded gribble, but it had not been treated.

I now refuse to buy a wooden boat for fear of the gribble which has taken on the persona of Godzilla in my head.

To be continued........................